On Rape

5 Nov

the abuser has the obligation to make restitution, whether it be verbal only or verbal plus non-verbal. But the abused has no personal obligation to accept it.

 The failure of the abused to accept restitution does not let the abuser off the hook, nor does it demonstrate culpability on the part of the abused. It merely means the abuser must find a different way to resolve the abuse. The onus is entirely on the abuser, the abused should never be expected to assist, because such expectations work to excuse the behavior and help to perpetuate the problem.

 And even if the restitution or apology is accepted, that is still not enough because the abuser stole part of another person’s life. It’s absolute. Nothing the abuser can do to make restitution will ever be enough. Does the abuser understand that, or not? That’s the most difficult question to address. That, and determining who are the abusers, and when, and why, and so on..

I read something nice a week or so back, where the mother of a young son was commenting on a blog post about rape and she wrote that she’d straight out told her son that no means no, drunk means no, etc., and that if he ever did not respect a person’s right to consent, she would never have anything to do with him ever again. This. That’s how to do taboo. No nudge-nudge wink-wink. Make it fucking scary, because it sure as shit is for the victims.

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One Response to “On Rape”

  1. BroadBlogs 2013/11/06 at 9:59 am #

    “the mother of a young son was commenting on a blog post about rape and she wrote that she’d straight out told her son that no means no, drunk means no, etc., and that if he ever did not respect a person’s right to consent, she would never have anything to do with him ever again. ”

    We need more moms like that. I can’t believe how many parents defend their children’s atrocious actions.

    Like

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