How To Facebook

5 Nov

You’re in your house and a few of your friends have dropped by, and they’ve gotten into a vicious argument while you were out for awhile. You really don’t want to alienate any of them but by this point they’re brawling in your living room. You try to mediate the conflict and they turn their wrath on you and intentionally misinterpret what you’re trying to say. One of them stalks out in a huff and says she doesn’t want to be your friend anymore. Another reacts to your apology for not being around when this started up, and your attempts to explain that you do appreciate her point of view, by trying to bully you into siding with her against another one of your friends. Then she, too, stalks off in a huff.

Then you have a conversation with the other friend. You don’t agree on some points, but you’re not yelling at each other. Suddenly yet another friend walks in the door and starts yelling that you shouldn’t even be arguing about this at all, that there are far more important things to argue about. 

Then another friend walks in and tells you that you really were in error by not being harder on the friend you had the non-yelling conversation with.

You then try yet again to explain your original position on the original argument, and quickly realize that none of these people are going to listen to that either. You flip the circuit breakers, pocket the house key, and split to your other home. With any luck they’ll leave after they finish drinking the rest of the beer.

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