Apology, Agenda and Promise

20 Nov

Apology, Agenda and Promise

How to deal with fuckups. 

First, work out what you did wrong and how your reaction was toxic. Passive aggressive? Irresponsible? Involving out of control anger?

Okay. What triggered that anger? What happened that left you feeling that the consequences of your actions could now be hopelessly random, or at least sort of random, because despair and hopelessness?

What was the hurt? What were you trying to protect?

Sort that out some and then think about how you could have managed this better if you’d backed off some first and slowed down. 

Maybe someone pissed you off. Maybe someone pissed *her* off. This shit is endless.

But you can stop it. You can stop it by ending the conversation and backing off. You do not have to win conversations.

After you think about conflicts, you may realize that you engaged in boundary transgressions. Maybe you said cruel things, maybe you shared inappropriately with other parties. There are many ways to transgress boundaries.

Apologies may be needed. First, explain and admit how you fucked up. 

It’s important to acknowledge how it was wrong. Were you avoidant, passive aggressive? Did you deflect anger towards one person and drag other parties into it?

Agenda and promise: Explain what you plan to do in order to attempt to rectify the damage you have done, and also how you are committed to not furthering any more of it.

And, hardest of all, perhaps: be open to feedback from the offended party.

And no, this was not easy to write. Done though.

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