Today In Hermiting

29 Nov

Today In Hermiting

Slept late. Went over to kitchen house for coffee. Accosted by two young women attempting to open locked gate. Do I know these people? No. But I have some new neighbors. I wait a beat.

“How are you?” one asks.

I wait another beat. No, these are not my new neighbors. They want something that isn’t related to being neighbors.

“Busy,” I reply, and aim towards the kitchen house door.

“We’re missionaries!” one of them cheerily offers.

“That’s nice, goodbye,” I respond, opening the door.

“Can we at least leave you our phone number?”

“No.” I then escape into the house and make coffee until they go on to bother the new neighbors next door. I hear jovial laughing. BFF.

Later in the afternoon I think maybe I can go pull up the dead Mexican sunflowers and Tarahumara chia in peace. Not to be. Thirty seconds in, there is Lily at the fence. Lily is 85 and lives next door and likes to scream at me. Now she is screaming that she will report me to the police if I don’t “pull up my sticks.” As I am pulling up the only sticks in sight, which were frost killed about ten days back, it is not clear what this is about, other than the joy of screaming at and otherwise threatening your neighbors. 

I walk away, I haven’t responded to Lily in about a year now, ever since she tortured my cat. A few minutes later I go out and finish pulling up the sticks. Tomorrow I will crunch them into mulch. Then I need to finish cutting the dead grass. I use a line trimmer and ear protectors for that. I’ve been considering wearing ear protectors for everything yard related these days. Since, like Peter Sellers in “Being There,” I cannot, unfortunately, just change the channel.

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