Formerly Depressed Woman Only Wishes She Took Advice to ‘Cheer Up’ Sooner

6 Jul

The Ungrateful Soup

MONTEGO BAY – With the help of a few heroic co-workers and friends who had endured quite enough of their depressingly sad colleague, local bank manager Marsha Kinlocke, 36, finally turned her life around and decided for good to stop being so selfishly unhappy all the time, or at least not in public, sources confirmed.

Once enough people established for themselves that they understood the breadth of her clinical depression, and instructed her not to feel that way anymore, Kinlocke reportedly had an epiphany which experts believe will likely serve her for the rest of her joyous life.

“What a relief.” said Kinlocke, seeing for the first time that her glass was half full. “Now anytime I feel like the world is a dark abyss of despair, strangling me tighter with each passing day, pulling me further into the everlasting nothingness – I can simply choose to not feel that way…

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