Narcissism in Winter

16 Dec

It’s cold outside. I don’t want to collect leaves anymore right now. So I’m thinking about women and personality disorders.

I have seen women getting angry at each other, and I have seen a fair number of accusations of narcissism.

Narcissistic pathology is a term defined by psychology written by men, pretty much. It says a narcissist has a failed sense of self-worth, is always seeking people for ego support, is always losing friends, because narcissists are basically broken inside and don’t want anyone to find out.

I’m not saying this isn’t real. But it could use some picking apart.
A narcissist is shiny. A narcissist rarely apologizes. They will argue with you in endless and convoluted manners before they will back off and admit anything.

But they are always polished. The last thing a narcissist ever wants to do is to admit any instability, because then the whole edifice will crumble.

Narcissists never give a goddamned inch, though they are artful dodgers. And there are always new people to charm.

But they still want you to approve of them, until they decide you are bad, and then that’s it. You are now part of the narcissist’s support system, except on the other side.

Narcissists will endlessly put you down, try to mess with your head, try to wear you down so that you will become part of their support system, again. They are endlessly patient. They are always there for you, to forgive you for your sins, as long as you repent.

That’s narcissists.

What about women?

Failed sense of self-worth? That can happen when a person is badly abused.

Seeking people for ego support. How is this different from being desperately lonely and looking for people who understand what you have gone through and will be supportive?

Always losing friends. How is this different from crawling madly out of a situation of abuse and enraging the enablers of such, and quite a few others in the process?

Never giving a goddamned inch. How is this different from hewing to a solid political philosophy supporting women, and standing tall? Or even just desperately trying to make personal boundaries and strengthen them, as you struggle to escape what you have yet to understand?

I often worry about narcissism. What about that empty hole inside me, how does it resonate and echo? What does it mean to me when I am admired? How would it feel if I collected more and more admirers, and then suddenly they turned on me, calling me out?

That would be really horrible.

So, should we not have admirers? How about leaders, how do we work that? And what about that thing inside of all of us, pardon my maudlin prose, that yearns to be heard?

We toss this term around so loosely these days, these words of pool-gazing. As if we were immune from its lures, and its jazzy glories. As if we did not write things for strangers, mostly, and cast these bread blogs upon the waters, hoping, upon hope, that finally, someone will see us, will finally see us, will get us and love us.

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2 Responses to “Narcissism in Winter”

  1. sellmaeth 2015/12/16 at 8:33 am #

    I think there is a big difference between narcissism and being an abuse victim who wants support.

    It is sort of like the difference between an empty cup and a cup with a hole. When you first look at them, they look similar, but if you fill up one of them, it stays full, while the other drains your resources without ever changing.

    People who are not narcissists want support and admiration, too. But they give something back.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Miep 2015/12/16 at 8:40 am #

      It’s hard to sort out and assess, and I think rates some discussion. You are right, but it can be a long road for some people on both sides. Sometimes nobody has any support to offer, sometimes third parties confuse things. People want to know whether they can trust each other, they want ways to know. It can be really hard to sort this out, even away from keyboard, and online can so easily become such a paranoid mess.

      Liked by 1 person

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