Forgiveness and letting go

1 Feb

I never have been able to understand this. If you forgive people who are unrepentant, what’s to stop them from doing it again?

Sure, nobody’s perfect. We all have our moments, when we look back later and think “I probably could have handled that in a better way.” Maybe we try to communicate again.

But sometimes you just have to write people off, even if you really don’t want to. You have to let go. You have to decide this is not about you anymore.

And maybe it never was about you. Maybe you just got yourself tangled up in somebody else’s demon wrestling. Maybe they got themselves tangled up in yours.

Maybe you’ll never really know what it really was. This story that you have wanted so badly to have some kind of resolution, some sort of meaning that you can distill and take on with you as a dire lesson, into the as usual uncertain future?

Maybe you just don’t get to have that. Maybe this horse is not going to relinquish any further elucidation, no matter how hard you flail at it.

And maybe, just maybe, what you do then, when you are completely exhausted, when there is nothing left of you but ash: maybe that is forgiveness.

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4 Responses to “Forgiveness and letting go”

  1. storyending 2016/02/01 at 4:59 am #

    You only need to forgive yourself. Let go of other people, but forgive yourself. I find a lot of the negative feelings we end up carrying around are about how we see ourselves and how we blame ourselves for being in a situation like the one we’ve left in the first place. Women are told all the time that they need to forgive people. I think it’s a way of controlling us. It’s a plot device in the story that is Patriarchy. Forgive and free yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Miep 2016/02/01 at 5:03 am #

      Thank you. I think what I was trying to get at here was about freeing one’s self from the past without requiring specific resolutions. A kind of forgiving one’s self for having been there in the first place.

      The culture is always forcing us to make bad decisions. The deck is stacked.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. procrastinatrix 2016/02/01 at 9:04 am #

    Thanks for delving into this topic, Miep, and for the great comment by storyending and response. Over a long and painful 30 year period of recovery (still ongoing) it has really helped me to let go of the idea that my abusers would ever acknowledge–even to themselves–what they actually did and how it affected me. It also helped me to let go of the idea that they have any idea in the world WHY they did it. In other words, really integrating the knowledge that I would be getting no answers and no apologies from them. In turn, this made it much easier to sever ties–to realize they had nothing, nothing for me but pain and poison. I don’t forgive them, I don’t often think of them, and I have let go. Thank goddess I was in a position to get away from them.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Miep 2016/02/01 at 2:17 pm #

      Yes, exactly. We want the story to make sense, but we have to accept the fact that it never will, and not confuse letting go of anger with a renewal of trust.

      Liked by 2 people

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