Talking About Erotic Fantasies

4 Oct

If you eroticize patriarchal imperatives, if you act them out materially or in fantasy, what are you doing? I’m not talking about being economically coerced to do so. I’m not talking about wearing makeup so you’ll get better tips while waitressing.

I’m talking about doing it erotically. I’m talking about kink. We like to say kink is somebody else, but how many of us women have really freed ourselves of this coercive culturally induced thing about sexual submission?

I mean, this goes really deep. It’s so easy to get caught up into it, because the culture wants you to so very much. It’s in a way a kind of relief to let yourself get into it.

It also becomes a terribly bad habit, because one gets attached to whatever one is habitually orgasming about.

But it’s more than a bad habit. It’s a kind of alliance with the patriarchy, all this. And when women say it’s therapeutic that’s what makes me so angry, is seeing that it’s about that alliance, that relief in caving to the alliance. It’s not some kind of therapy. It’s not some kind of cool exploration. It is caving to the cruel and brutal desexing driven by the patriarchy, any way you do it, including with each other.

This kind of desexing cannot exist in the same space with non-hierarchal sexuality. It drives real sex right out of the room. They cannot exist in the same space.

And for so many of us, it can be the only way we know how to understand sex, because this was all we were taught.

If we’re lucky, we find some guidance out. And the fact that luck is necessary for so many women, to open ourselves to other possibilities outside of all this coercive ideology, enrages me.

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