Tag Archives: NAMALT


1 Jun


I get really frustrated with this. Yes, dithering around saying “Not all men are like that” tends to derail. It doesn’t add anything of substance to the conversation. It’s fucking irritating.

And yes, all men benefit from patriarchy, and yes, all women have their lives interfered with by patriarchy. Yes, all women get hurt. Yes, all men benefit.

What is not true, though, is this trope that all men get off on this, secretly watch porn and lie about it, that no men make any sort of genuine effort to defend women. It is a lie, and an easily disprovable one.

If you think a true feminist movement must completely eschew men, must completely demonize them, then I’m out. That kind of gender essentialism is too defeatist for me. Why bother?

If you think a true feminist movement must demand all-woman spaces, including communities, then yay! I’m totally on board.

But I will not support unsubstantiated statements about “all men” when at least a few men I know do not fit into these wholesale statements about men. It goes beyond my being a radical feminist a bit even, and into my distaste for overgeneralizations and lazy thinking, and ideologies in general.

I will not ignore the men I know, few as they are, who speak up brilliantly and eloquently against other men who support pornstitution and abuse of women generally. I will not pretend they do not exist, no matter how many women insist all men are inherently evil and dishonest.

I don’t do this to get dude props. I do it because I refuse to support any unilateral statements that are so easily disproven. I do it because you are hurting and insulting my few male friends and acquaintances who actually make these sorts of efforts and get harassed and worse for doing so. I do it because I don’t know how the hell you build a movement that is based on this kind of divisiveness and dishonesty.

Sure, be picky about men, eschew them entirely. I don’t mind, that’s your call, separatist sisters. But I can’t really ally with you if you lie about my friends. That’s a real problem for me. It’s bloody gaslighting, just for starters. And it really pisses me off. Do you really think I can’t tell a man who has become thoroughly inculcated into this crap from one who is actively trying to fight it?

I can tell the difference quite well, and I pay a huge amount of attention to the details, to the tells. I assure you, I am quite brutal about whether I consider a man a good, trustworthy friend.

I am sure it is completely exhilarating to get all emotionally into “I HATE MEN THEY ARE ALL EVIL.” Whatever. Not my rodeo.

But don’t try to fight with me about it using crap arguments. I know the arguments. I have been reading and watching this stuff for several years now.

I assure you that I am quite angry at men as a class, but I am angry at their behavior, not their maleness. Their maleness is kind of their own thing. They have dicks, we have other stuff. I don’t have a problem with that. I don’t want them all dead or enslaved. I just want them to socially leave women alone when they are not invited to do otherwise, and stop trying to sell the idea that we are some sort of inferior life form.

I agree that the battle is difficult and far from won. But I will not agree with the claim that men never cross sides and stand with us, because I know it, as a fact, to be a lie. Don’t expect me to agree with lies. I consider it shameful to do so.

One more thing? I’m not closing comments to this post but I will not post any nonsense about transgender ideology or MRA crap or aaannything like that. Don’t waste your time.

%d bloggers like this: